this was really resonant. one thing i’ll point out about the modern narrative of the 4 year old: that 4 year old has access to role models, representation, and knowledge that I didn’t have. i grew up in the 80s, and when trans people existed in pop culture it was purely as the butt of jokes.
i’d like to believe that my desire would have been ‘knowing’ if i’d had positive representation. i’m one of the people who says ‘i knew when i was 4’ because i had desire at 4, and no idea that my desire could have been anything other than futility.